Justice O'Connor Publishes Controversial Resignation Letter
Justice Sandra Day O'Connor stunned the nation by releasing the original draft of her resignation letter, in which she excoriates the commander and chief as a "pimply faced war monger with [expletive deleted] for brains," and declares "the American people [past-tense expletive beginning with "F" deleted]."
While an "official" letter of resignation was published in newspapers around the world, the lesser known "Falconi" draft has been circulating among Washington insiders since early this morning.
"We all sat around taking notes and writing as fast as we could," said a longtime clerk and aide to Ms. O'Connor. "She was wearing her lucky hat and shouting invectives like a crazy person. At one point she called him an accidental president who snorted more coke than a South American freedom fighter, but that wording got parsed down to the phrase, 'no talent ass clown'."
Sources close to Justice O'Connor say she was outraged that the White House bowdlerized her words. Rushing off a second and more deliberately public missive, Justice O'Connor questioned which jerk up in that office felt he had the requisite command of the English language to edit her words and that she wasn't screwing around this time.
While Christian fundamentalists and Texans are rejoicing at the thought of overturning every single decision for which O'Connor served as the crucial swing vote, Jews and atheists are pledging to stall any nominee that Bush announces.
When asked why she chose such a clearly controversial time to retire from the court, Ms. O'Connor's face went white as she quietly mouthed the name, "Tom Cruise."
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