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Bush Meets With Cindy Sheehan, Offers Coke and Sympathy
Aug 18 2005 by Ross Bender
Arriving in a chariot drawn by 16 Texas mustangs and wearing his Wyatt Earp outfit, the President offered the mother of slain soldier Casey Sheehan a two-liter bottle of the new Coca-Cola Zero, a large bag of M&Ms engraved with the White House seal, and a six pack of Budweiser. The Presidential chariot was accompanied by a herd of Malabar elephants ridden by the Texas Republican delegation, including Bad Boy Tom DeLay.
"Ah feel yer pain, Ma'am," said the President, doffing his Stetson. "And I 'preciate the sacrifices you and yer boy have made for the cause of God's compassionate struggle against the enemies of freedom and civilization." Nudged by Karl Rove, the President looked confused for a moment, then continued "And of course in the ongoing Big Fat War on Terror."
Ms. Sheehan accepted the gifts and thanked the President. Then, staring directly into the cameras she asked Bush point-blank the question she has been asking America - "Why did you kill my son?"
The President checked his camera angles, then replied: "You deserve a straight answer, ma'am. I kilt him on account he was asking too many f***ing questions. And that's why I'm gonna have to shoot you too."
Bush whipped out his silver six-shooter and after five point-blank shots managed to nick Ms. Sheehan in the leg.
"Damn," he remarked. "Ah been outta practice since 'Nam."
At this point Tom DeLay finished off Ms. Sheehan by biting her neck. The Texas Republican delegation applauded, then withdrew in the direction of the Bush family home, from which the odor of barbecuing flesh could be sniffed on the wind.
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