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FetalTrak Toll System Still in Its Infancy
A South Dakota motorist and FetalTrak user was fined six ducats yesterday for refusing to stop at a roadside toll shack on Road 7 while his wife was in labor in the back of his pick-up truck.
Most motorists pay the standard four ducats when stopped at the shack attended by a South Dakota Transit Authority agent in overalls. FetalTrak users, however, roll slowly past the shack while an ultrasonic transponder detects a fetal heartbeat and deducts a discounted toll of two ducats from a pre-paid account managed by the pregnant woman's husband or pastor.
The fined motorist, unnamed due to state laws protecting the identity of the fetus, said in court filings that the fetus was only partially birthed, qualifying his truck for the discounted toll. The SDTA agent on duty however, claimed that the birth was more than halfway complete when the vehicle crossed the toll point. As evidence, he cited the stripes he made with his pitchfork on the baby's left hip.
Eligibility for state-funded prenatal care -- including FetalTrak discounts - ceases immediately on birth.
Shirley U. Gestate, spokesperson from Focus on the Fetus, refused to comment on the case because the organization "does not concern itself with parents and other born persons." Of the group's current campaign to register fetuses to vote, Gestate said, "It's only a democracy if each and every living soul participates." The group is also pushing for fetal priority in divorce litigation, property disputes and law-school admissions.
The Society for the Prevention of Condescension to Animals opposes FetalTrak because it is discriminatory. "Why should human fetuses have more rights than puppies in utero?" posed SPCA President Lola Padoodle.
She added that the state's Fetal Safety Code prohibits pregnant women from driving vehicles, occupying vehicular front seats and using fetal library cards to check out books for themselves; the canine fetus has no such protections. "It's shameful when canine fetal rights are secondary to those of mere humans."
A similar toll-collection program, HamsterTrak, is scheduled to be launched later this month in Texas, Georgia, Arkansas and Oklahoma.
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