GE Debuts New Line of "Sphincter-Glow" Light Bulbs
Looking for new ways to jolt sagging light bulb sales, General Electric has seized on the story of a Pakistani inmate who was found to have a light bulb in his anus by launching a new line of "Sphincter Glow" Light Bulbs.
"It's not exactly what Edison envisioned, I guess, but we need to remain competitive in today's marketplace," said GE spokesman Hal Cantor. "Our corporate mission is to bring light wherever people need it, and if that means the inner recesses of their bowels, well, we're up to it."
The new line of bulbs will be available in August, and come in several different varieties:
A spokesman for Sylvania, one of GE's main competitors, said they will not address the burgeoning rectal-lighting market, and choose instead to concentrate their research and development dollars on decorative ear canal lighting.
- Three Way Rectum Beam Bulbs
- 200 Watt Anus to Tonsil Track Lighting
- 75 Watt Soft Glow with Built-in Thermometer
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