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| You just walked into: Home > Politics | July 19th |
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 Bush Blows October Surprise Party with Bin Laden AnnouncementMar 4 2004 by Andy Grainger
In his first major gaffe of the US re-election campaign, President Bush declared that Osama Bin Laden had been captured in Pakistan.The grinning Commander in Chief made the announcement at the White House to a group of media representatives, including DeadBrain. They had been chatting with Condoleezza Rice about Medicare cutbacks, when the President suddenly emerged from a back hallway. Ms. Rice had been explaining why a Canadian system of comprehensive medical coverage for all Americans wouldn't work in the US. "If you had such a system here, it would be overrun by people going to the hospital willy-nilly, whenever they were sick." she explained. "That's just anarchy." She then gaped in disbelief as the President interrupted her and crowed, "Yep, we got 'im! Osama's in the bag!" while waving a paper marked 'Top Secret.' As startled reporters shouted questions, he chuckled happily, saying, "I don't know all the details, but you're looking at a Two-Termer, right here! And a couple for Jeb too, I bet!" The National Security Advisor immediately grabbed his arm and whispered fiercely into his face, "I told you, OCTOBER...we'll announce it in October!" as she hustled him away from the scrum. He was heard to respond "Okay, okay Condi, take it easy! Geez, your fingernails are like knives!" before a door slammed and he was gone. Ms. Rice immediately returned and explained that the President was 'tired' and had merely misspoken. "He only meant to say that he wished bin Laden had been captured. Not actually captured." That statement was later repeated by a sweating Scott McClellan at the daily briefing. The Press Secretary added that from now on no media representatives would be allowed within 100 yards of President Bush "until the election or the War on Terror is over, for security reasons." Related Articles Halliburton to Iraqis: "Uncle Dick Wants YOU!" Feb 17 2004 Bush Tells Grand Jury Literally "Everything" He Knows in Seven Minutes Feb 16 2004 Halliburton's New Profit Scheme: Mugging Soldiers on the Street Feb 5 2004 Bush's Intelligence, Memory Lapses Now Under Investigation Feb 4 2004 Bush and Blair Discuss Short-Hair Removal as Punishment for Saddam Feb 2 2004 Bush Makes It Crystal Clear Why We Attacked Iraq - Because There Was Tomfoolery Afoot! Jan 25 2004
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