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Democratic Convention Coverage: Satire Guild President's Tuesday Analysis
Jul 28 2004 by Allen VoivodDouglass Ramssmullett, president of the International Satirists Guild and Norwegian citizen, continues to provide his analysis of the Democratic National Convention for DeadBrain.
I heard on the television, Convention Chair Mestizo Bill Richardson said that Monday was the exciting day, and Tuesday was the tedious day. That explains the wonderful nap I had today. Truly glorious!
There's nothing like the drone of a politician to induce sleepiness. This is why we satirists must always be on guard! They try to lull you into their ovens with endless hypnotizing talk. "Vietnam" this, and "Send me!" that, and "This is the biggest glass house in history and it's built around an Odin-cursed quarry but let's treat it like a giant pink salmon in the room that no one will dare to acknowledge despite the stink diffusing from its every pore and orifice" the other.
Resist! Be like the Revere rider from this Convention town. Ring your bells, you Anita Wards of the satire world, and shout the traditional Norwegian battle cry, "Dra dit pepper'n gror!" Which has a translation in your American, but I've realized it's stupid, and I must move on.
So today was another endless parade of Kerry rævsleikeren hoping for scraps from his table like some deluded aping of the Soviet nomenklatura. But there is one person who really blew it today.
Who is this foolish Robert Matsui person? These Democratic people spent so much time talking about Bush without saying his name, and it was all leading up to your Ted Kennedy finally using his name, ah, very dramatic. But Matsui blows it and says it first! Pitiful fomlepungen. He should be stripped and beaten with a kangaroo's intestines.
But your Ted Kennedy was the highlight of the evening. I am dutifully impressed by the gall of this political group, putting him in such a prominent spotlight. At least when your current president drove in an altered state, no one died. I loathe this Kennedy, and the taste of my loathing is delicious at the base of my throat.
I look forward to reporting on Wednesday's events!
Democratic Convention Coverage: Satire Guild President's Monday Analysis
Jul 27 2004Satire Guild President Gives Exclusive Coverage of the Democratic National Convention to DeadBrain.com
Jul 26 2004A Profile of Douglass Ramssmullett, 183rd President of the International Satirists Guild
Jul 24 2004The International Satirists Guild: A Brief History
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