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| You are crouching next to: Home > Politics | September 3rd |
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 Convention Causes MSNBC's Chris Matthews to Swallow His Own HeadJul 31 2004 by John Hetherington
According to witnesses, Matthews had "worked himself into a dither" over the boring, scripted nature of the convention as well as what he described as its "partisan tone" when his notoriously large mouth simply enveloped his head. The event was witnessed by Matthew's panel of convention guests and the cable network's viewer, a spinster in Warm Springs, Georgia. Matthews' guests claim that while the event was a surprise, it wasn't unexpected. "We'd had a pool," said historian Doris Kearns Goodwin, who had been among Matthews' panelists. "I was betting on a major coronary event - this isn't a healthy man." Such expectations were not unfounded. MSNBC viewer Millie MacAwber, a mentally ill alcoholic and self-professed "Chris Matthews junkie," says that she had been concerned for the host's health since the convention began. "It was as though that convention wanted to kill him," MacAwber says, "he was so angry at how boring and predictable it all was, and then that Reverend Al came along." Former Democratic presidential candidate Al Sharpton's speech sent pundits reeling by going over its scheduled time by six minutes. Millie says she doesn't think Matthews ever recovered. Former congressman turned boorish cable talk show host Joe Scarborough agreed. "He was flabbergasted - we all were. It didn't just go over, it was so partisan. Sharpton was talking like a man who doesn't like Bush, like a man from a whole other party." The demise of Matthews wasn't the only bit of misfortune to visit MSNBC, as correspondent Andrea Mitchell was arrested by Boston police on suspicion of solicitation. "We thought she was a hooker, not a very good hooker, but a hooker nonetheless," explained Detective Bert Morgan. "The make up, the tarty clothes, a political convention - it's a reasonable assumption." Police later said that Mitchell's outlandish appearance was merely part of a role-playing game she regularly engages in with husband and Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan. Related Articles Daily Coverage of Jon Stewart and The Daily Show's Democratic Convention Coverage: Friday, July 30th, 2004 Jul 31 2004
Convention Causes MSNBC's Chris Matthew to Swallow His Own Head
Jul 31 2004
Democratic Convention Coverage: Satire Guild President's Thursday Analysis
Jul 30 2004
Daily Coverage of Jon Stewart and The Daily Show's Democratic Convention Coverage: Thursday, July 29th, 2004
Jul 30 2004
Daily Coverage of Jon Stewart and The Daily Show's Democratic Convention Coverage: Wednesday, July 28th, 2004
Jul 29 2004
Daily Coverage of Jon Stewart and The Daily Show's Democratic Convention Coverage: Tuesday, July 27th, 2004
Jul 28 2004
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