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  You are sitting on: Home > PoliticsMarch 22nd 
  Election 2004

Democrats: GOP Silenced Rick James to Prevent Kerry Endorsement

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Do YOU have the "funk"?
Yes
No
Do you mean in a smelly way?
In a shocking twist to Election 2004, DNC Chair Terry McAuliffe is alleging that legendary funkster Rick James was murdered by Republican operatives determined to prevent him from endorsing Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry.

Although Republicans are calling the charges absurd, police have begun investigating the circumstances around James' death, a death originally not viewed as suspicious.

LAPD Detective Frank Morgan explained: "We started looking into it after hearing Mr. McAuliffe's allegation and were disturbed to find white hairs and polyester traces near the scene of his death." While the detective refused to draw conclusions, the substances are readily associated with aging Republicans.

McAuliffe claimed James was set to endorse Kerry as "the only candidate capable of bringing the funk back to America," an honor he had previously bestowed on Bill Clinton during the successful 1992 campaign and Jimmy Carter in his failed 1980 bid.

The funk legend was "impressed by what a super freak Kerry is" and believed Kerry's wife was "a very kinky girl." James believed that these were qualities America sorely needed in the White House.

But James was never able to make his endorsement, leaving the incredibly divided funk vote up for grabs.

Meet the Press moderator Tim Russert said, "Many like Kerry, but feel that President Bush has a better swagger. Rick James' endorsement would clearly have made the difference."

But is the funk vote something Republicans would kill for? Russert says yes. "President Bush and his people know what's at stake, and they're willing to do whatever it takes."

The White House, however, is playing down the impact James' endorsement might have had. Press Secretary Scott McClellan told reporters, "The President has plenty of support in the music community from artists who are themselves pretty funky."

McClellan cited Vanilla Ice, Hall and Oates, and Ruben Studdard as being the sorts of "funky artists" that probably support the President, adding, "Of course I can't say for sure, but they will if they know what is good for them."

McClellan also noted that Republicans are killing much less in this campaign and only "when absolutely necessary."

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