 |
|
|
|
| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Jessica Simpson |
|
 |
|
| You are crouching next to: Home > Politics | September 3rd |
| |
|
 On the Edge of Sanity, On the Bus with BushOct 30 2004 by Jim Bauman
"Editor Voivod, this is Pennsylvania State Trooper Hugh Huber calling. Your reporter, Bob Bob White, has been passing sweaty, wadded, handwritten notes to passersby on the Bush campaign trail, on which are written the words, 'I'm nearly brain dead - no pun intended. Help me!' Also, one of our cruisers picked up a LoJack transponder signal from the Bush bus. The bus is, of course, not a stolen vehicle, so this could be his other way of attracting assistance."Even though Bob's mind is teetering on the edge, he was able to file this mostly coherent report. We'd just left our last stop, Spotsylvania, Pennsylvania. Cheney and his chimp, Ronzo, were asleep in each other's arms when Bush yelled, "Stop the bus now, Condi!" While we walked out and around to the rear of the bus, Bush said, "I saw people pointing at the back of the bus and laughin'." And there, just below the rear window, was a duct-taped poster that read, "Dummy On Board." We all froze and looked at the President. "Heh...Heh...they must be referring to Cheney's stupid chimp," declared Bush. "Before we start up again, I want my white Stetson," said Bush. The President strutted over to the outside luggage door, and yanked on the handle unsuccessfully. "You tinhorn reporters got a lot of beef around your guts, you might have some in your arms. Come over here and help me get this open." We all pulled together, and the door flew open, knocking Bush to the ground. Inside, we couldn't believe our eyes! Ralph Nader was sitting in a Lazy Boy chair reading a book next to a mini-floor lamp. Bush began yelling for Cheney: "Dick, Dick, we have a stowaway!" Cheney explained the whole thing. Come Election Day, Nader will pull votes from Kerry, and because Ralph doesn't have much cash, the Republican National Committee is giving him a surreptitious lift to his campaign stops and states where he's facing "Get on the Ballot" court challenges. After hearing Cheney's explanation, Bush exclaimed, "Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!" At that, Ronzo screeched and laughed. Related Articles God Retracts Election Prophecy, Now Foresees Even Odds Oct 29 2004
Prices of Heinz Ketchup and Other Condiments Falling in Battleground States
Oct 27 2004
Ronald Reagan Reanimated for Election Push
Oct 25 2004
Kerry Preemptively Declares Victory in Election 2004
Oct 23 2004
Cheneys Urge Lesbian Daughter to Attempt Suicide for Greater Good
Oct 21 2004
|
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| |
| Copyright ©2003-2008 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Survey | Vermin |