| |
Dominant Dope Denigrates Diminutive Dummies
Our DeadBrain reporter began receiving e-mails from two large national associations who are upset with President Bush. He investigated their complaints, and here's his report…
For the last four years, the national groups DUH (Dumb Underachieving Humans) and DIM (Dummies, Imbeciles, and Morons) have invited President Bush to speak to their joint annual conventions, but the President has refused.
"Recently, the President sent us a patronizing letter stating that he's not one of us, and to stop bothering him," said Junior Samples, spokesman for the two groups. "It's really insulting to be treated like an idiot by the biggest idiot of the free world.
"Last year, we did secure keynote speakers for our convention - the two car crash test dummies seen in TV commercials a few years ago. We remembered them on TV as funny and witty.
"In the auditorium, a Ford engineer leaned them against the podium. They just stood there. After two hours, the audience shouted, 'Speak, move, do something!' but they didn't. I ran out to the hotel hallway and found the Ford engineer. I told him that we didn't understand why they weren't performing.
"He sneered and said, 'You really are a bunch of morons, aren't you?!' Then, he said, 'Oh, they're just teasing you. They're performing their mime, no, their catatonic comedy routines.' He walked away shaking his head and guffawing.
"Anyway, getting back to the President, we're miffed! Yet, we're so proud of what he's become. He's been an inspiration to our members. Think about it. If a guy that dumb can become President, then there's hope for every imbecile in America. We just can't get over how his bone-headed decisions and stunningly stupid mistakes have so totally screwed up the world.
"Plus, he's lied big-time to the American people. Some of them were smart people who believed his cock-and-bull stories. Bright people hoodwinked by a pinhead! Imagine that! He takes our breath away!
"Well, I guess this year we've no choice but to ask Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels from the movie Dumb and Dumber to make their 8th annual appearance."
|
|
