Bush to Consolidate Executive Power by Doing It All By Himself
Recently, the White House ended a 60-year-old practice of requiring the CIA director to attend national security meetings. According to White House spokesman Scott McClellan, this signals the emergence of a bold new management theory to be implemented by the Bush Administration called "Leave All Department Heads Behind."
"The President is a man who trusts his gut instincts," McClellan said. "He believes that getting all that reality-based input from people like CIA Director Porter Goss just mucks up the works."
McClellan also announced that Treasury Secretary John Snow will no longer attend meetings about the budget, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez will be banned from all discussions about federal judge nominees, and that Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice will no longer be required to meet with foreign ministers from Europe or the Middle East.
McClellan went on to say that the new policy was a natural progression in the Administration's ongoing quest to consolidate power in the executive branch. "The President is more than capable of making and implementing key policy decisions all by himself, without any input from these book learning elites," he said.
As proof he pointed to how Bush, without any help from underlings, was able to "pull stuff out of his own ass" to justify invading Iraq.
According to Vice President Dick Cheney, in the unlikely event the President needs advice other than his daily heart-to-heart talks with the Lord, he was standing by. Cheney said that he alone was prepared to fabricate any facts his boss might need. As for the various Cabinet-level and other high-ranking government officials, Cheney snarled, "If we need some bureaucratic desk jockey's opinion, I'll give it to them!"
Get DeadBrain delivered to your Inbox! Click here to sign up at our parent site. Consider the weekly and monthly editions, each of which contain all-new, laugh-out-loud office comedy you won't see on the website!