In "More Sorrow Than Anger," Dick Cheney Rips Howard Dean a New One
In an exclusive interview today on the Official White House Propaganda Channel, Vice-President "Dick" Cheney lashed out at Democratic leader Howard Dean. Attacking Dean's mother, the ferocious VP quipped: "Dean's mama so ugly when she entered the ugly contest they told her 'No professionals.' "
Cheney appeared in blackface to counter the Democratic National Committee leader's recent claim that the Republicans are "a white Christian Klavern." He also took issue with Dean's recent claim that "Republicans never made an honest living," pointing to his own years of service as Chief Executive Officer of Halliburton, selling toilets to the Pentagon for a mere three million dollars apiece.
"I resent Howard Dean's false assertions," stated Cheney, frothing only slightly. "I personally have done more for Kenny Lay, George Bush, Antonin "The Wop" Scalia, and other good Americans with my little finger than the so-called 'Dr.' Dean has done for America in his whole life. Hell, I'm not even sure he's a real doctor. I sure wouldn't let him recharge MY pacemaker," he quipped.
Recent polls on America Online support the Vice-President's observation that Dean's comments have hurt the Democrats more than the Republicans. Immediately after the interview, the AOL instant polls showed Americans "preferring" Cheney to Dean by 87 to 22 percent.
Although Cheney was relaxed and jovial, joking frequently during the interview, he concluded with his trademark snarl, saying that he certainly hoped that Howard Dean wasn't "one of those people who hate America, because we still have a few open beds down at Gitmo, if you take my meaning."
Get DeadBrain delivered to your Inbox! Click here to sign up at our parent site. Consider the weekly and monthly editions, each of which contain all-new, laugh-out-loud office comedy you won't see on the website!