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George W. Bush - An Army of One
Sep 26 2005 by Jim Bauman
Unbeknownst to the President was a short paragraph within the bill's 1,000 pages stating that Bush, upon his signature, would fire Vice President Dick Cheney, then immediately resign as President, and both would volunteer to be the sole American military presence in Iraq until 2010 so that thousands of American troops could finally come home.
At a smog-choked ceremony in front of a Texas oil refinery, George Bush signed the bill.
Reporters rushed over to hear Senator Ted Kennedy's reaction. While cleaning oil from his shoe with a tissue, the senator elaborated:
"Most Americans want the troops brought home now, while at the same time they feel an American military presence is necessary there. To abandon the Iraqi people before they're ready to protect themselves would be callous. Because President Bush was the instigator of this war, it's only fair that he be responsible, roll up his sleeves, and wrap it all up."
Kennedy paused and gazed upwards. "By the way, what is that greasy black crap that's drifting down from those chimneys?"
When reporters slid over to Dick Cheney, the Vice President said, "I've already applied for another military deferment." (Total = six!)
President Bush was asked if he had any regrets about signing the bill. "Darn, if I'd read the bill and had a line-item veto; I wouldn't now be in this pickle."
A Pentagon spokesman said, "We're preparing ex-President Bush for his extended tour of duty by exposing him to examples of men fighting against great odds. An aide will read to him a chapter about the 486 B.C. Greek battle at the Pass of Thermopylae where a small Spartan force held out against a huge Persian army. He'll also be watching the Bruce Willis movies, Die Hard 1, 2, and 3, and Sylvester Stallone's Rambo 1, 2, and 3.
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