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| You have trodden in: Home > Politics | October 12th |
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South of the Border's Pedro "Public Enemy Numero Uno"May 23 2006 by R.C. Johnson
When questioned about the purpose of troops in a non-border location, press secretary Tony Snow referred back to the president's television address. "President Bush made it clear that our country's security depends on keeping illegal immigrants out of the country and dealing with those that are already here." "We've searched and we have yet to find a legal immigrant using the name Pedro," continued Snow. "However, anyone who's ever driven Interstate 95 knows that Pedro is alive and well, making a fortune off of travelers each year." Reports from White House staffers indicate the president was initially alerted to the South Carolina business by former director of the NSA and current CIA appointee General Michael Hayden. Insiders claim that Hayden ordered the monitoring of all calls made to and from the town of Dillon. Hayden reported the odd findings to Bush. When questioned about the questionable surveillance, Snow would not comment. "Don't try to turn this into something that it's not," Snow chastised reporters. "For years Pedro has been lying and deceiving American travelers." Snow then held up an enlarged photograph of a billboard from I-95 which read "Pedro's Weather Forecast: Chili Today, Hot Tamale." "We didn't need surveillance to find this guy. He's so bold that he poses as a meteorologist to gain the trust of the public," commented Snow. "People like this that are a serious threat to our safety. Once we finally take him down, we'll have a better handle on whether there are others like him exploiting the American economy." Phone calls to South of the Border were not returned. Richard Hurtz, spokesman for South of the Border released the following statement: "El Presidente Bush no monkey business, joost yankee panky! Pedro not skeerd, though. Pedro never sausage a dummy!" Get DeadBrain delivered to your Inbox! Click here to sign up. Consider the weekly and monthly editions, each of which contain all-new, laugh-out-loud office comedy you won't see on the website!
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