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Satirists Guild Clears DeadBrain of Lesbian/Anal Sex Wrongdoing
Mar 7 2004 by Allen Voivod
The International Satirists Guild today cleared DeadBrain of all charges related to DeadBrain's rescinding of a Lesbian/Anal Sex mandate, declaring the site "a friend to gay and straight alike."
"That won't get them off the hook with the Bush Administration, though!" Guild President Douglass Ramssmullett said via telephone from Guild headquarters in Oslo, Norway. "This decision should make DeadBrain a bigger target for some sort of government investigation, witch hunt, or scapegoating. Besides, everyone knows you can make more money by being intolerant these days."
In fact, this may not be the greatest risk DeadBrain faces right now. "This gay marriage business is bringing some of the more radical gay elements out of the closet, so to speak," said domestic policy expert F.S. Cloran. "Some of them want to club straights like harp seals. I'm sure they won't discriminate, so to speak, between the straights and the straight-lovers. I've heard the Queer Eye guys are even getting death threats for helping straight guys. So to speak."
On behalf of the entire DeadBrain staff, I'd like to thank the Guild for a fair and balanced investigation the likes of which have never been seen inside a Rupert Murdoch corporation. And though we were swindled by a bunch of buggery-loving Greeks posing as a market research company, we still believe in serving the needs of all communities and interests.
Whether we actually get around to serving them all, of course, is another issue entirely. Sign up for our newsletters at our parent site to keep abreast of how we're doing!
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