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| You are hovering over: Home > Sport | August 29th |
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Baseball Commissioner Tests Positive for SteroidsNov 15 2005 by Greg Kuhl
"I'm deeply ashamed of myself, but, yes, I've been taking the drugs since 1998, when Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa enthralled the baseball world with their epic home-run exploits. "People have accused me of turning a blind eye to beefed-up sluggers hitting incredible numbers of homers," Selig said. "I tried to laugh it off, but I have to confess, I was guilty too." As a result, Selig said, he's suspending himself for the first 10 games of the 2006 season. "I feel as though I let down the game of baseball, my family and friends and those who believed in me despite my shameful behavior," Selig said, as tears welled in his eyes. "I thought the steroids and human growth hormones would make me a better commissioner, but they didn't. And I'm kind of a lanky, scrawny guy anyway, but it didn't do anything for my physique." Selig joins 12 major league players and a host of minor leaguers who have been suspended for performance-enhancing drugs. "At least I wasn't one of those guys who tried the 'roids from the veterinarians in the Dominican Republic, or anything like that," Selig said. "I only went for the really safe stuff - or at least that's what they told me on my side trip to Tijuana when I was in San Diego for the Padres-Giants series. "I can't believe anybody could be so stupid," Selig said. "I just felt the pressures that some of the players feel. I thought being bigger and stronger would make me a better commissioner. Boy, was I wrong." Selig said he rejected the idea of using the same excuses as players who said they didn't know what was in a vitamin supplement, or that someone gave it to him unknowingly. "Unlike some players, I bear full responsibility for my actions," Selig said. "I just hope baseball players and fans across America and everywhere else will find it in their hearts to forgive me." Get DeadBrain delivered to your Inbox! Click here to sign up at our parent site. Consider the weekly and monthly editions, each of which contain all-new, laugh-out-loud office comedy you won't see on the website!
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