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| You smell better than: Home > Sport | October 11th |
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Mercy: Baseball Adopts New Rule for the Have-NotsFeb 23 2006 by Greg Kuhl
"It's just like Little League, only better - and with bigger players," said Commissioner Bud Selig. "The Royals, Devil Rays, Pirates, Reds and other small-market teams are always whining about an uneven playing field. So we decided to do something about it." Under the new rules, any team trailing by 15 runs in the fifth inning, or by 10 in the seventh or later, automatically loses. Game over, no questions asked. Major League Baseball will try out the rule during the 16-team World Baseball Classic in March, when powerful teams like the Dominican Republic and the United States will play weaker teams such as the Netherlands and South Africa. "Who's ever heard of any baseball player from South Africa?" Selig asked. "Even I haven't. We figured this would prevent some sort of international incident if the games got too far out of hand. "And if it'll work for the World Baseball Classic, it'll be great for Major League Baseball," Selig said. "Who wants to see Boston beat Tampa Bay 19-0, or the Yankees hammer the Royals 22-3? "Plus, it'll enable baseball to get away from its all-money, big-business reputation and return to the Little League ideals of everybody's a winner," Selig said. "Although, let's be honest, that's not really true." Royals manager Buddy Bell said he'll grudgingly accept the mercy rule as a challenge. "It won't be easy for the Royals to avoid the mercy rule on some nights, maybe a lot of nights," Bell said. "But maybe it'll be a good incentive for our guys. All our guys were stars in Little League, and they've probably been on the winning team in mercy rule games. "It's bad enough being on a lousy team in the big leagues," Bell said. "Maybe they can show enough pride not to get humiliated by this asinine, er, totally fair and just idea. Besides, I'd rather lose 10-0 any night than 21-1." Get DeadBrain delivered to your Inbox! Click here to sign up. Consider the weekly and monthly editions, each of which contain all-new, laugh-out-loud office comedy you won't see on the website!
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