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Proactiv Announces New Spokes-Fat-Roll
The star power that Proactiv®, the highly acclaimed skin care system, has acquired in the past has rivaled the advertising clout of any commercial product. The list of former spokesmodels reads like a who's who roll call of super-fabulous, super-hot, super-sexy people who use to be pizza-faced pimply messes.
How could they top the prior success of superstars Jessica Simpson, Vanessa Williams, Puff Daddy, and Alicia Keyes? The announcement of yet another mega star came on the heels of the most profitable fiscal quarter in the product line's history.
Acne sufferers, get ready for some help in the war against zits. Pimple industry insiders say Proactiv just inked an exclusive one year deal with one of the most reclusive figures in the sports entertainment sector. Ready to burst that little, white, pus-filled bubble? The new face of Proactiv?
The four-pound fat roll on the back of Barry Bonds' head.
The fat roll released the following statement through its agent and publicist Jaque Strappe: "This product has really changed my life. I'm so fortunate that chemists and scientists were able to come up with this formula to change my skin in a way that nature couldn't possibly have done. I understand that the results are completely and totally un-natural, but I truly believe that the ends justify the means, which in this case means I can hit 715 home runs and have clear skin. As a young man who's nickname as a rookie in Pittsburgh was 'Stick Boy', I sure have grown up…and out, since then."
Recently single pop singer Jessica Simpson was excited at the news. "I remember the first time I saw Barry Bonds' fat neck roll and thought it could benefit from Proactiv just like I did. Of course, I had no talent AND was pimply back then. At least Barry's fat roll could hit home runs."
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